I Give Up

June 26, 2019

 

They tell you the sky is the limit. Be all that you can be. #FollowYourDreams.

You go to college. You start a career.  You make some money, buy a car, buy a house…you’re doing great!

 

They say money won’t buy happiness.  Life is best when shared with someone you love.  They say family is everything.

You get married. You have some kids. You pay down those student loans.

Hang in there, mama.  You’ll wish for these days back.  The days are long but the years are short.  #PinterestMom #WorkingMom #mindfulness #BePresent #SimpleLife

 

They say you CAN do it all! Dream big, crush that workout, parent consciously, shred that baby weight.   

You just have to work harder. Have some grit.  Try yoga.  Crush it.  Own it.  Pray.  Run that shit.  Be a boss.  Be a badass.   Take no shit.  Follow your dreams.  Give it to God.  #womancandywednesday #CEO #BossBabe #MomBoss #LadyBoss  #goals #inspirational

 

You’re tired. You can’t really remember what your dreams even were.  None of your pants fit and it’s the beginning of summer break.  You choose gin over gym most days.  Your knees hurt.  You sign up for a half marathon.

You google “things to do with your kids” and you make an educational summer bucketlist.  You #SideHustle #PoshmarkCloset and sell baby stuff on marketplace to pay your student loans, Montessori preschool tuition, and mortgage…and still have time and cash leftover for #writingclasses #GirlsNight and #outfitoftheday

 

You try to run you Instagram business from an iphone…

between diaper changes, your #dayjob, meal planning, #organic #sugarfree #keto #skinny #glutenfree muffin making, race training, love making, and sleeping intermittently for 4 hours a night.  You’re kids will be probably become the next #millennials and it’ll be all your fault. 

 

When you’re on your phone answering your emails, they say you’re not present. You’ll get cancer someday. You’re missing it all. You have an addiction.

 

When you’re late to school drop-off because you squeezed in a quick run while the kids were sleeping, scrambled some eggs for your hubby before work and answered emails after #morningmeditation…they whisper about you. She’s a #SAHM…imagine if she had a real job like some of us. 

 

On the way to your real job, you cry in your car because you had to drop your 6 week old off to daycare.  You’re still bleeding.  They wonder if you have mental health issues.  You do.  They whisper at school drop-off… this is what’s wrong with millennial’s - they didn’t have a mother around to raise them properly.  No wonder her kid isn’t as smart as ours are.  She’s selfish.

 

 

When you drink wine (most nights), they say you shouldn’t need wine to be a good parent. They say you shouldn’t have to escape your life. Have you tried yoga?  Have you seen that Netflix special on simplifying your life?

 

When you lose weight, they call you an #inspiration and a #motivation.  They also call you a #bodyshamer and a proponent of #dietculture  They tell you losing weight won’t make you happy.

 

When you can’t seem to lose the weight, they think you’re lazy.  You eat poorly. You lack motivation.  You’re unhealthy.  You should do it for your children. Have you tried keto? #weightloss #macros #noom #weightwatchers #crossfit #gymlife #5k

 

Your kids have literally sucked all life from you.  You promised yourself you would do better and yell less.  You took them to the zoo on 4 hours of sleep and they were jerks the whole time!!!!!  You shamefully wonder if you’re the only parent who’s kinda miserable most days.   You join a Facebook group for the #1in4 and you and your hubby discuss trying again. 

 

When you put your kid to bed, you can’t decide between folding 12 loads of laundry while watching #TheHandmaidsTale on #hulu or staring blankly at the wall while drinking wine. You’re husband feels neglected. On Monday your mom will ask if you need help with the cobwebs on the chandelier. You missed another day of race training. You’re student loan payment is due.  You’re out of wine.  You wonder what your baby would have looked like now.  You cry yourself to sleep.

 

Tomorrow will be a better day.  You’ll allow yourself to indulge those little whispers of dreams you once believed in.  You’ll kiss your husband…like really kiss him.  You’ll have a fleeting feeling that you might really be pulling it all together.  

 

Your kid will wake up at 2am with an ear infection.  Your knees hurt.  Your half marathon is in 3 weeks. You forgot to pay the trash bill.  

 

This isn’t one of those cutesy mom-blogger pieces (with a picture of a #bodypostive woman crying in a shower) that shows up on your Facebook feed after going viral.  I am actually asking you…WHAT IN THE F ARE WE ACTUALLY DOING?  I give up.  I don’t have an answer. This isn’t motivational or inspirational.  This is real life.  Am I crazy here?  Am I the only one asking these questions, having these feelings?  What are we doing? What are we going to do?

 

I’ll tell you what – I’ll take one for the team. I’ll raise my hand and tell you all that this is my story.   Maybe because I just give up - I surrender. I’m waiving my white flag.  Not on life or on dreams, or on working hard; but I'm done trying to do it all. Maybe you’ll read this and think, “Damn, me too”.  Maybe we can find strength in numbers.  Maybe we could feel a little less alone, a little less like a failure, a little less lost.  Maybe we can start saying enough is enough. Maybe we can do less whispering and more understanding.  Maybe we can start really being brave and just owning our truths, however filthy they may be. 

 

I give up.  I don't know what we're doing, but I'm pretty sure we're doing it wrong.  This is totally out of hand and I think it's time we said enough is enough. I’m waving the white flag and I’m encouraging you to do the same.        

 

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